True understanding follows true experience

Cute Kitten to make up for bad post

Corny post title eh, it doesn't even make sense! Anyway, Sunday, 16 June 2013 my friends, was the last time I wrote an entry in this blog. What happened?! Reasons do not include: Alien abduction or laziness, ok maybe a bit of laziness . . . 

Essentially my time was filled with activities of a higher priority. I was going to say that I have "better things to do" but hey, what could be better than writing down badly constructed sentences in a lame attempt to entertain my dearest friends . . .all twenty fifteen eleven eight of you #badtimes.

So why am I writing something now?! Long story short I am on a "holiday" as I wait for my new job to start. Although I have managed to fill the past week with somewhat fun activities the list of fun is coming to an end and I even found myself meditating and contemplating life in a philosophical manner to pass the time.

Note: Meditation = Staying in bed past 12:00. Philosophical manner = daydreaming about being a superhero (Captain America, or Captain China if you prefer).

I feel I should point out now that this blog will not involve a video, it will probably not be very funny - BUT it will give you an insight into my random thoughts over the last day or so.

Let's get into the meat of this then, what is the topic? In an attempt to hold the "suspense" I will start off with the back story:

Once upon a recent time I got a new job. I believe the new job influenced my dream. The end.

I may have cut the story short but it was going to get very boring. Being as concise as possible I am going to rant about lifestyle choices, then give you a list of things I want to do and why.

So my dream was flipping weird interesting to say the least, although I can't remember it very well at all the root of it was my future "insert strange music" and how I must either become a socialite or a traveler. Here are my broad definitions:

Socialite - A person who spends their time and resources socializing with elites, those with the finer tastes in life. Traveler - A person who spends their time and resources seeing the world, seeing new places etc.

So how do I do either. I guess I can apply for membership for societies in London and assuming I get in, enjoy the privilege of having rooftop garden parties held in Mayfair. Or I can book flights around the world and take in as much as I can.

Alert! Cheesy obvious life morale blah blah story!
Why can't one have both?! The main issue would be funds as most people can't afford to be spending hundreds on a casual night out and still have enough to go gallivanting around the world.

This life lesson thing is really boring me, I genuinely just tried to see wind out my window, what did I expect? white lines racing across my window attacking nearby trees? I'm just going to give you a list of things that I want to do off the top of my head now and the reasoning. It is in no particular order and it is not everything I want to do, just what immediately comes to mind.

I am also going call each point either an S or a T based holiday depending on whether I think it is something a socialite or a traveler would do.


Drive The Nurburgring

Drive around the Nurburgring in a relatively fancy car. Why? Because it's badass and cool. Why haven't I done this? Because it is flipping expensive. How do I want to do this? Preferably  own a nice car (two seater convertible), drive to Germany from the UK then blitz the ring. On the same trip I would drive to other countries such as Switzerland (Stelvio Pass) and take in the scenery. I would put this as an S because although you would be taking in a lot of scenery, the emphasis is on the driving experience and the necessity for the bags of money.

Moving Holiday - S.E Asia, Africa, S. America
I would love to do this multiple times either in car on on bike. Why? If you have watched any top gear then you would understand. The idea of unrestricted freedom on your vehicle and the ability to witness and experience everything the country has to offer however you want sounds like one of the best experiences to be had. You may question why not just do this as a normal holiday with public transport etc. I would happily do that and with just as much fun. Putting motor in the title though makes me seem more manly, and given some of the next few points I will need as many man points as possible. Why haven't I done this? I do not have any decent excuses, perhaps the fear of doing it alone, timings due to my want to progress my career, lack of people to go with. I need to step on it and seriously do this. I'd give it a T, the whole point is the scenery, immersing yourself in the culture, first hand experience of non developed countries.


Pop Wonderland
Japan, Korea and China are definitely go to countries, different in a different way and home to some of my favorite tunes. The food is amazing and the culture is on it's own scale. Obviously as many of you know I would love to swirl around falling cherry blossoms, too many Disney princess movies? I don't think one could ever forget their experience in east Asia. Please note I have already  been to China and it is #awesome, being of Chinese descent although I love it it does not have the same level of mysteriousness, and everyone loves a good mystery. If I had never been to China I would be selling it to you so hard that you would probably have bought your ticket already. Actually go buy it now, I guarantee you won't regret it. Why haven't I done this? Since it is incredibly expensive. Mark my words however I will travel here, and I will dance among the pink trees. I am really not too sure what rating to give this as you could make it an S or a T depending on what you did. 


Big America
Freedom. Enough said. Living in Manhattan on the upper east side definitely has nothing to do with me watching Gossip Girl. In all seriousness however there is something attractive about the States, be the leather boots in Texas or the surfboarding in California it is a country that has a definitive lure. Everything is bigger in the states and a lot of the TV shows & movies I have seen originate there - which really makes me want to see what the big deal is about. Also I just saw Captain America 2 which is flipping amazing. Living and travelling to America though is difficult due to costs and visa's/ greencards etc however a Holiday here is definitely on my things to do list. I'd label this an S for what I would want to do.



Hashtag Romance
Going to cheat again and add a few countries. Picture you, your dearest other half and a handful of your closest friends in the warm waters on a yacht in Monaco, or dressing smart for your casino trip in Monte Carlo, or even taking in the sights of Italy on classic Vespas. This is the ultimate S rating, but perhaps being James Bond for a short while isn't too bad? The ability to spoil your significant other whilst pretending to be big deals with your friends should undoubtedly bring barrels of fun. 

Ending . . .
So what you have just read is 5 travel based things I would love to do, it is not my full list of destinations or perhaps even my top list of trips but they are things I want to do. Not sure if you enjoyed reading this, if anyone has read this . . . Perhaps my next post will be more eye grabbing, top 5 ladies lists is always a conversation of topic for any man.

Oh also I see I started this blog entry off with some story with being a socialite or a traveler however that was really a "in the moment" thing, and I completely lost track of that so just consider it as a random thing.

xoxo
Az

Scream - a True Story.

Remember when I said I would make a blog every week or two? Remember how I kept that promise and
tried something new for a really long time and made a super awesome video about it?

Well . . .this is awkward

Being completely honest I don't think I kept to the task I set myself, and as all of you will agree I am pretty certain I failed pretty damn hard. Thus I hereby revisit my blog's objectives, terms, conditions, appearances etc. I will simply write, as and when about whatever and wherever.

Hopefully that sorts things out and puts me into a better position to maintain this blog to the highest of its standards. Many of you may see this as random but lets be fair, what did you expect from me?!

Actually, talking about what people expect from me I have been somewhat surprised at how a close friend described what she believes occurs in my mind. Apparently my brain is full of "mini Az’s" like oompa loompas from Willy Wonka or those minions from Despicable Me, and these little beings dance and sing and do random weird random things, which ultimately control me as a being. . . . I had no idea I have been THAT random! Hence I apologize to all who have been affected and may (or may not) tone it down.

Taking about people being affected by randomness, I recently got back from Spain where something happened. Something so strange that if I could explain the acronym WTF with a moment of my life, this moment would explain it. In order to protect my friends identities I have given them new names to save them the embarrassment of being a part of this moment (which was not initiated by me). Here we go:

First night in Spain, we look at one room in particular. This room contains four strapping handsome lads who go by the names of Az (me), Bridge Mattman, Bum Toulton and Abs. These four guys have not had much sleep due to the travels and general fun that happens on holidays, and either way a room of two double beds and four sweaty guys isn't too appealing. Now you might have assumed that four university-educated fellows would have perhaps separated the two double beds to allow better "breathing" space. WRONG. Now we skip to the moment of DAFAQ. Sometime in the night at around 03.00 we have all just about fallen asleep. Spain is sleeping peacefully, quietly and in comfort. Spain is but our room is not. Why? Because sometime around 03.30 Bridge Mattman decided to have night terrors. In his sleep he sat up, stretched his arms out like Frankenstein and scream at the top of his lungs. Possibly after a second or two Bum Toulton woke up, and after hearing the terrified screams of Bridge, jumps to the edge of the bed, and whilst staring at Bridge screams at the top of his lungs. Now I kid you not - Bum's scream was the most blood curdling, terrifying, tear inducing scream. This ultimately forced Abs and Az to wake up. Abs woke up, sat up, looked around the room then decided to start screaming his head off. Az woke up, put two hands on Bridge and also screamed his head off. Bare in mind that we all stopped screaming together. I, Az, woke up possibly last/ second last and screamed for at least three full breaths, I have no idea how long Bridge or Bum had been screaming for before that. We all stopped screaming after Bridge woke up from his night time scream . . . I think . . . Now, if that does not describe WTF, then I do not know what does. The only way I could explain what happened is that we returned to our primal instincts and screamed when others did to alert of danger. Also I lost my voice from the screaming for two days. Awks.

Notice how the last two section have started off with "talking about . . . ". Well. Talking about screaming. . . .I got nothing. However on the return journey from Spain our flight was delayed by a ridiculous number of hours. So much so, that I tried something new *applaud please*. Thus here is a vlog.

For anyone who wishes to watch the ending again: Admire the accurate resemblance it makes to a motorbike that operates via peddling.

Now I realize that in my last blog (not that anyone remembers it) I did promise a talk on explosions, presents weird dreams and porn. I honestly cannot remember what I was going to talk about on these subjects. Once again. Awkward.

Another awkward side point - now that I have changed the objective of this blog to randomness, it being called "Az Tries Some Stuff" is now wrong. Blerrghhh.

Cookie On My Face

Wow . . . i'm awful at keeping internet pacts, I said I'd make a video/ blog post at least once every two weeks and its been . . . 4? And i'm only on my ninth seventh fifth? forth post! Fail. . . I do have somewhat of an excuse though, which I am sure most of you have guessed correctly. Oh well, on to business.

Having moved to a different location and finding myself with sky and a television in my room the amount of TV now watch seems a bit excessive. I now watch this series called "The Big Bang Theory" everyday at around dinner time (Yes the 3rd meal of the day in the evening is called dinner. Not Tea, Tea is that drink which high percentage of the British population over-enjoy), I also watch new episodes of another series called "Game of Thrones" which is actually very good. I recommend both series. I was actually trying to recommend both series to my housemate, however, once again, the English language befuddled me. Possibly as I was trying to say two sentences at the same time, but to be honest it's already established the workings of my mind are unsolvable. Anyway I scrambled my words and ended up exclaiming:

"I am genuinely bumming game theory right now"

Which, being honest is a legitimate statement, although during a conversation about television programs a subject within the economic discipline seemed rather odd. For all those who do not know what game theory is I suggest you check it out, it's genuinely very cool and interesting.

 Anyway, since watching more television it ultimately comes at a price, which can be good or bad depending on how you view it. I am talking about watching adverts. Now there is a specific advert I am thinking about. That Oreo one where you are meant to do a combination of licking twisting and dunking it before eating. Ain't nobody got time for that! This got me thinking about who actually does that? Which inevitably got me thinking about what crazy things that I do which are definitely inconveniences to myself. Here are a few things, which I am sure no-one out there shares with me.

1. Specialized shoes - I will not use shoes which I have bought specifically for one activity, in another activity. Now I take this to the extreme. For example I played badminton last night, and obviously I took the shoes and changed when I was there - which is fair enough. However I had to walk back home and really couldn't be bothered to get changed back into suit clothes so I changed my shoes only. You can only imagine how silly one looks in short shorts, a vest, and smart black shoes for a 20 min walk home . . . in the rain. My badminton shoes will never touch any floor, apart from those within the sports hall.
2. I gotta use my stuff - When it comes down to doing certain things. If I have my own equipment, such as my own tennis racket, or hockey stick. I will not play, unless I can use my own. Even if one day I accidentally forgot and was invited to play. Even though I really want to. I cannot do it.
3. Clean Hands - All you people who can eat pizzas or burgers with your hands when there are cutlery readily available I envy you, the speed of which you can consume using your hands is phenomenal. I however prefer to keep my hands really clean at all times. I always go find cutlery if I can sense it nearby.

Just realized. This list is a fatal error. Friends you may be, but I know my friends will use what I find annoying to annoy me. I don't think I will continue with this list . . . just to clarify I know not everyone will use information to taunt me. There a select few however . . . Zac Longsword . . . 

The rant before about the elaborate way on how to eat an Oreo reminds me about that argument the world used to have whether a Jaffa Cake was a Cake or a Biscuit. Either way, combine this with the cookie challenge and you got my next video. (The cookie challenge is putting a cookie or something on your face around the forehead or eye region, then trying to eat it without the use of your hands).

Obviously, in my competitive nature I wanted to win at it. I think i'd have got first prize, compared to all those celebrities on youtube doing the cookie challenge, such as One Direction . . . ergh


I realize this post has been somewhat of an unstructured ramble, but it has been a while and I figure its because my English skills have plummeted. The next post will be planned with subjects in advance and most likely more funny. . . In fact - Subjects for the next post: Explosions. Presents. Weird Dreams and Porn.





I added the word porn in to see if it would boost views . . . who knows? Some people might come here looking for porn and leave knowing how to win at the cookie challenge. I think that's a success. Actually I've already added the word porn, I guess I might as well add the following words: Boobies, Xbox, Chocolate. I pretty certain everyone in the world likes at least one of those. 

Am I Normal?

When it comes to writing things in this blog, I am always conscious about where "the line" is. Last week I omitted a section I thought would have been a bit inappropriate to talk about, simply because I wouldn't have been talking about my own life, but one of my friends'.

However, after I put the blog as my Facebook status I had the usual, standard conversation that I have with most of my friends, with this specific friend. In case anyone is wondering my standard conversation I have with a number of my friends is the following:

Me: "Tennis? / Badminton? / Golf?"

Friend: "Nah"

So you can see I face rejection on a daily basis. Anyway, back to the specific friend, the conversation actually led on to the blog and what I omitted, and for some reason or another, he seemed keen that I should post about it in this blog, I would have kept him completely nameless however he wished to be called Zac Longsword . . . more like Zac shortsword

So here is a tale about Zac Longsword and his sex life.

I should firstly introduce the story.... I do not know what conversations most of you have with your mothers but I'm pretty happy discussing the lives of some of my friends with my mother. Especially ones where she has an illusionary view about them. For example, one of my friends is incredibly irresponsible, however my mother maintains that he is one of the most responsible people she knows and always trusts him to "look after me" when I leave the house with him. Note how I do not mention a name so I could be talking about any one of my friends, clever eh?

Anyway, this friend is somewhat of a "player" or "manwhore", basically he just gets around a lot. He actually went speed dating recently, and I genuinely believe it was just so he could get a new variety of females to his bed! So, obviously this became dinner chat for me and mother at dinner, and predictably, she refuses to believe me.

"Zac Longsword is a respectable good boy, he would never do anything like that. I am sure you are just lying. I will not believe any of this about Zac unless you can prove it!"

 I really don't understand this, it is as if my friends have drugged or hypnotized my family to make them seem like ideal citizens or perfect people who contribute to society. LIES! MASSIVE LIES!  To all friends, please do not take this seriously, you are all perfect people :) that's why I am friends with you!


This got me thinking about my friends, all my friends are good looking people if I am honest, some more so than others . . . So much so that my mother likes to comment on some of them. Even when you walk into a room full of females you see the direction of their eyes pointing not at you, but at your over masculine friend.


So my friends might look good, but they do not necessarily act good. My friends from my hometown are in general very much sexual rabbits. My friends from university are generally under (what I assume) long dry spells or are in committed long term relationships. So what is the normal? Is there a normal? I do not know, everyone lives their lives differently and I'm not exactly one to comment. I will however laugh and make fun at my friends when I can though!

This leads on to the video of this blog! Everyone does things differently, some are blindly obvious, some are subtle like the b in the word subtle. Here is the video:

For people who know me less - yes I am naked in the shower being filmed by my girlfriend. Am I ok being topless on the internet? You should ask a few of the friends I got voluntarily starkers in front of the first time I met them :)

In this video I do a lot more talking to the camera, I may have only spoken for 10 seconds but it is significantly more than before. Infinitely more! I am trying to build up the confidence and camera skills to do a "Jenna Marbles" styled video - if you haven't seen any of her videos check them out, they are funny and relevant! I would love to say I learnt more editing tricks, and the ability to create audio files and make background music on the guitar for the video, however my girlfriend did all that. All credit for video editing goes to her, all I did was get naked for the camera . . . not the first time. . . JUST KIDDING. Makes me wonder if any of my family reads this blog.

A quick correction about my previous post "I Ball Relatively Hard" I have been told by my work colleagues that the punching above my weight joke is in fact not a joke, but a fact. I apologies for interpreting as a joke, and my pride shrinks ever smaller.

Also note the picture I used, it's me on a night out, so only people willing to read inappropriate things will click on my status as it will be showing that picture. Aren't I considerate?

I Ball Relatively Hard

I'd like to say I tried something new and cool and hip and "down with the kids" and video'd it for all of you to see, however I am afraid to say I have been rather busy/ I failed. As you can see however, I ball so hard that I can take a photo of myself with the camera in my phone in a mirror in a lift and look swag. I have no idea how people use that word but hey, I'm 22. I'm getting old.

The last week has been full of events.

Firstly my brother was tagged in some Facebook photos, on the positive side he was surrounded by girls and looked like he was having the time of his life. The not-so-positive side is that he was wearing Lycra and was actually competing in a cheer-leading competition . . . but hey, each to their own, I'm sure if I had an older brother and he saw some of my photos he would feel somewhat uneasy on the path I was heading down too . . .

Secondly I was chatted up by a male hairdresser. Upon entering the Salon, the receptionist person inevitably allocated me the only Asian hairdresser who asked me what I wanted (standard 5 top 2 sides). He then continually asked me why I disliked my hair and kept stroking me, as one who is pretty good at remaining un-awkward-ded I feel pretty uneasy, perhaps I'm just not used to getting hit on.

Thirdly - for those who don't know I got a new job (pretty certain most of people reading this are those who I have forced begged asked to read this blog and know anyway . . . I have no idea how you get randomers to read what you have done on the internet).

Anyway where I currently work (not the new job) there is somewhat of a "joke" which is presented in such a way that it isn't a joke, but a fact which is badly disguised as a joke so it wouldn't hurt my feelings. The joke is that I am "punching above my weight" - I didn't think I was fugly . . . but maybe I was just arrogant. I told my other half this to which she replied:

"I guess before I was with you so that I would look better in comparison, but now I'm definitely with you for the money"

If you can imagine me pulling a sad face, please imagine it now. . . :(

So the video of today? Well I would like to think it's somewhat of a revenge for said remark. Enjoy:

Just to let you know this wasn't an actual planned revenge thing, but it did cross my mind while it was happening. This video was also filmed on a different day to "sponge sandwich" - I guess returning to university to play with sponges is my favorite way to spend my weekends!

To prove that it wasn't a planned thing, and I wasn't just being harsh, here's another video:

So that proves that it was all in the name of fun. But karma has it's way of getting back at you, sometimes thinking evil is enough. In this case I had already thought evil, but then I planned to do evil. Massive backfire

So soon enough I got my punishment, and by soon I mean about a minute later, in the form of a not so soft hardwood floor. Which felt like the opposite of sponge if I am honest!

Someday, I promise I will gather up the courage and do a proper youtube video . . . one in which I actually do something and talk to the camera . . . but hey, today you got three videos, and lets be fair, they were amazing unique videos - how often are you going to see fully grown adults have fun with sponges?


Just to let people know the person doing the charging in all three videos is one of the most coolest, strongest and all round awesome people you will ever meet. If you are female and are "hot", please comment on this blog and I will set you two up.

Also to let people know, my girlfriend is currently on the train home and has been unable to assist me in writing English. Since I cannot English, please ignore all grammar/ spelling/ Language/ Life mistakes as written here until she has the time to proof read. I apologize in advance to all grammar Nazis out there.

The First Video - Inspiration from University

The biggest challenge following my first post was simply to deliver - saying I will do something and following it up are completely different things!!!

So what have I tried? . . . Something cool? Something funny? Maybe even clever?? Well I went for a mix of everything. Lol jokes, I tried to learn how to edit videos :) but, I thought a video of just me using program's would be as interesting as me showing you how to use Excel.

I will firstly let you know my inspiration for this video, it is not just as this post's title suggests!

Following my first post my brother made a Facebook status linking to this blog with the following blurb:

"So my Big Brother decided to make a blog about himself, his life and whatever's he's doing. Would be awesome for you guys to check it out (though give it some patience, he's still just testing it out!) because you're intelligent: and because of you're intelligence perhaps you can unravel the mysteries of the inner workings of my brother's brain. Then tell me about it so I may finally possess some upper hand in the constant sibling war that I have suffered from since I was a baby (I wouldn't really call it a war, it's been pretty one-sided)."

I think this is his way of being "kind" so my video is my way of being nice back . . . It is ultimately a video how to lesson which I believe will definitely get him a girl (about time too (jokes)). But I do encourage his friends to try and figure me out as many will know, it's pretty damn impossible!

Anyway, here is the video:

Impressed? I sure hope so! I've been practising the final  move for some time now. My gf's parents however find it rather odd when I do it at the dinner table . . . 




p.s As promised - Credit to Ant Rendall (Or DJ Ant) for the music in the video :)

The First Blog - The Explanation

Many who know me may be wondering why i'm creating a blog? I am not one who is good at writing and my vocabulary is average at best. In fact it was two weeks ago when a friend saw my last google search and had to comment.

"Ahh do you really need to know how to define inquire? . . .By the way, I think you wanted to use enquire . . ."

This wasn't good news for me as it meant I sent an e-mail off to a potential employer using the wrong word. Following this, where I work I have developed somewhat of a catchphrase of

"I can't english"

So I guess I am using this blog as a way to
refine and better my learn written skills. As one who is employed under the accounting and financial services I spend a lot of time
number crunching and dealing with software doing what most people would find boring, I find it cool to talk numbers but many don't, so perhaps my conversation topics will become more exciting.

So the next question is, why now? Why am I doing this now? Some would say that the skills in procrastination which I developed at University are still strong. I would like to believe that there is more to the story, even if I have a job interview for tomorrow which I have not prepared for.

One of my closest and manliest friends is off to serve the country in the bravest way possible, the last time I saw him he said, and I quote

"It's a dream of yours isn't it Az, for something you made to go viral?"

Obviously a joke, everyone knows my dream is to become the worlds best fighter, tennis, or badminton player. But it got me thinking,

The day after I posted the following on youtube:

The video was made for fun whilst we were 
playing badminton
exercising messing about in an empty sports hall, but what if it went viral?!

Long story short, I am going to try something, anything, once or twice a fortnight. The results will be recorded onto youtube, whilst I blog about it (Since I need something to write about!), my hopes is that I will learn new things, and hopefully have fun in the process :)

My apologies for making this post anti-entertaining, hopefully the next post will be more fun to read!